Bathers of the Universe,
I am honoured and humbled to have been given the opportunity to introduce myself to you all formally as representative of bathstore in the capacity of Bathroom Executive Officer. It is also with great pleasure that I introduce you to Graham (pictured below), my partner in crime and oldest friend.
He will be my guiding spirit, my confidant, as Robin was to Batman, or Nick Hewer to Lord Sugar. It has been a whirlwind of press and paparazzi for both of us ever since I got the news of my appointment and I apologise for not reaching out to my fans with greater haste.
For those of you who enjoy generic, bog-standard digital introductions, these next few sentences were crafted with you in mind. I'm Sam Collins. I live in London and I love football. I go to University in the beautiful city of Bristol.
Ever the crowd pleaser, not wanting to disregard those of you who are impartial to such standardised pleasantries, for the thrill-seekers I have assembled the following stanza. I love baths.
I spent nine months bathing in the womb before even laying eyes on the big wide world. I shall continue to bathe until I am wrinkled and I would happily die bathing if it weren't for the smell.
As a serviceman to the noble industry that is aqueous human containment, I will strive to provide you, the gracious bathing public, with detailed reviews of some of bathstore's finest appliances, as well as hints and tips to become the ultimate bather.
Your comments and input is as valuable as anything I write in this blog. Bathing is the one of the only happenings this side of the Baltic Sea that can be considered acceptably communal and I would therefore invite, encourage and implore that you join me in the appreciation and celebration of anything ceramic, hollow and watertight.